Codependent Relationships Trigger Awareness:We Teach Others How to Treat Us
I can tell you one thing I know about you. You are a survivor. That’s why you are here, reading this today. While you may not always feel like one, I’ll tell you for sure that your status as such, solely depends on you. So, I will speak to you, Survivor.
As a survivor, you have rights; inalienable rights endowed to you by your Creator. one major one being your right to choose. While we spend so much of our lives decompressing and often dwelling, sitting in the shame, guilt, pain and anger of what we feel others have done to us. As survivors and actively healing persons, we must acknowledge one thing for sure: YOU HAVE FREE WILL. While we can see, especially in children, one’s rights being taken away from them, I would like to offer a different perspective, let’s call it a Survivor’s Perspective on Free Will.
Follow me: as a child we have a choice. Most of us don’t believe that we do, but let’s look at two types of children for example. These children grow up in the same home share the same parent, education, religion, etc. Child 1: The “acting out” child V.S. Child 2: The “parent pleasing” child. At very young ages, these children are teaching their parents and others how to treat them. While also telling themselves how they deserve to be treated. Child 1. acts out every chance they get. Isn’t doing the best in school. Runs off. Screams. Breaks things. Let’s say they’re having a bit of a time trying to get these ever growing emotions under control. Child 2. Always helpful. Is reserved emotionally. Makes good grades. Never asks for praise. Never runs off, or acts “out of character”.
Guess which child is practicing Free Will?
If you guessed child 2. You’re… (buzzer) WRONG.
Child 1. aka the “problem child” is actually choosing free will and teaching the adults around them how to love unconditionally! They’re saying, ” I don’t have to act any particular way other than how I feel (because children are pure emotion) and I still deserve to be loved, nurtured, fed, cared for- regardless.”
While Child 2. aka the “goodie-two-shoes” child creates the conditions of how they will be loved. They create a mentality within his/herself and therefore projects this onto others that, “I am lovable because I am helpful, kind, sweet, smart, jolly.” So they have taught even their own parents that these are the perimeters for why I should be loved always. As Child 2. grows up these perimeters set in childhood, no longer work. As they grow and change, they often make those around them uncomfortable! They never taught these people (parents firstly) how to love them outside of the set perimeters. Their actions never said to others that I deserve to be loved unconditionally which includes the times I shift and act, “out of Character” of what they created.
This in return is the choice we as individuals have in accepting unconditional love or Conditional love, even as a child.
The once “parent pleasing” child, often develops into a “people pleasing” adult. Which leads us to co-dependence in relationships. Co-dependence is a dysfunctional relationship in which a person or persons are involved in an unhealthy helping relationship. these relationships involve the Enabler and the enabled. below is a list of traits of both:
- Their poor functioning brings them much needed love, care & concern
- An enablers consistent support reduces the pressure to mature or advance their life skills or confidence
- They become highly dependent on the enabler to satisfy needs normally met by multiple close relationships
- Feel lost or lonely when they’re by themselves
- Are afraid of being rejected or abandoned
- Define their worth through another’s eyes
- Are unable to find their own worth or identity
- Boost low self-esteem by comparing themselves to a dysfunctional partner
If some of these things, or even all of these resonate with you, its okay. I promise. The first step to breaking Blockages is acknowledgement. We have created these type of relationships due to our free will as a child to adapt certain personality traits. Now, this isn’t a conscious decision, but one which we make with our Soul. Our soul came in with a specific purpose to heal aspects in life in order to find and live our life’s Purpose. This choice (which is still a part of free will) is considered our Soul contract. Parts of our Soul Contract, which are great amazing things we are able to tap into, usually come to our awareness during or after we experience great healing.
Let’s return back to our two examples child 1. and child 2. At This Early Age We Are Creating What Is Considered Soul Wounds. (Shout Out To My Amazing Teacher Aremisa Of Indigenous Remedies For Introducing Me To This Concept!)
Soul Wounds Are An Aspect Of Our Ego Which We Develop From Birth Until Early Childhood. These Aspects Of Our Ego/Personality (Character We Create) Is Created From Our Earliest Relationships- Those Earthly Parentals. Whether Our Parents Have Done Great Healing Work Or Not Will Be A Major Determining Factor On The Soul Wounds We Develop In Life. According To International Wellness Quebecoise Author Mme. Lisa Bourbeau, We Develop 5 Wounds Upon Entering The [Old] World, Which We Get The Awesome Task Of Healing Through, In Order To Become Our Great Divine Selves And Live Out Our Soul’s Purpose! (Yay Us…) These 5 Wounds Are: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, And Injustice.
These different wounds manifest in one way or another, whether it be a feeling our action we take on for example: one takes on a controlling personality, or anti-social, fearful, or shameful determines the type of soul wounds one leans into. The healing work is transformative in both how we treat ourselves as well as how we present ourselves to the world. A healed wound is multifaceted, but inevitably it encompasses accepting and loving yourself fully, unconditionally and removing the masks of separation. We all wear masks to protect ourselves.
these masks are definitely the centerpiece of our brick wall decor. They are really what brings the wall together, and will be the hardest to remove and let go.
Which leads us to
Wall Breaking Tip # 3: It’s Always All About Us.
That’s sometimes a hard horse-size-multi-vitamin to swallow. But it doesn’t make it less true.
A Reminder In This Process: Be Gentile With Yourself. Healing Takes Times. Give Yourself Compassion, Where You’d More Often Give Unhealthy Self Talk. Take Responsibility For Your Healing, Where You’d More Often Blame Others. It’s a journey, not a destination. When you awake each new day, make a goals focused on how to best win the day( thanks to GIANTS on youTube for this term). The more days we collect, the more weeks, years, and lifetimes. It’s all about the day. Be present to your process. Be present to your creations. And be present to how you love you, because we are for better or not so great, teaching others how to do the same.
We come into the world dependent. We work for independence. Ascension is interdependence.” – Lisa Nichols CEO of Motivating the Masses
I love you. You are worth it all.
In Blessings Of Light, Love, Healing And Ascension, – T. Luna